How to love yourself to incredible orgasms

How to love yourself to incredible orgasms

by Ibtissam El Azami      

main picture via @y__spot

Late-night conversations and Saturday afternoon drinks with friends unequivocally bring sex to the table. Between those who collect partners and those who are “focusing on work at the moment,” it sometimes feels like we are the only ones who have never reached the apex of pleasure with (or without) a partner.

Aside from the moment’s sharp frustration, not being able to climax when touching yourself or sharing an intimate moment with a lover can honestly hit your self-confidence and lead you to wonder if you are “normal.”

Reaching sexual nirvana starts with a couple of puzzle pieces to put together so you can feel empowered and worthy; patience, self-love, and an empty mind. This article will share a few tips for reaching incredible orgasms by yourself and later on with a partner by your side.

Empty your mind…

We hear it and read it all around us: meditation can help. And it does.

Meditation can take many forms aside from the secure bubble you create when focusing on a classic breathe-in-breathe-out pattern.

The key to emptying your mind is to pick something you like that relaxes you. Choose nature, choose reading, choose to do your makeup while following YouTube tutorials rather than merely pushing on yourself big and kind of empty words about meditation.

Start with acknowledging the activities that pull you in a meditative state, calm you down and prevent you from overthinking. Emptying your mind actively will do you much more good in all areas of life – bed included, than forcing yourself to painfully try and curb your swirling thoughts.

I have found over the years that drawing, doing your hair or makeup, or playing a video game all participate in active meditation. The level of focus is so intense yet comfortable that when you leave that state of mind, you feel like you belonged to the essence of the world for a moment.


We all have “no” moments, and it is important to respect them.

If you have never had an orgasm, the first thing to do is stop and look at your state of mind. If you are sad or angry, maybe leave the (self-)teasing for later when you feel entirely at ease.

We often talk about consent in sexual relationships with a partner, but how many of us take the time to check our inner balance to see if we are genuinely ready and happy to engage in masturbation or a sexual relationship with another person?

Once you feel good with yourself, and the body’s wants match the mind’s needs, only then should you start playing around. Being in the right mindset will help you reach tremendous orgasms. But first, take the time to feel. Stop and feel. Give your body the time to accommodate fingers and other tools without pressuring it for any result. The journey is just as important as the outcome.

Tips to love yourself…

Love yourself. Society loves to hit us with big, scary words.

“Self-love” is such an overused phrase that it has become a trash can with dozens of meanings poured in shamelessly. Love is easy yet so multifaceted that we humans most often do not know how to recognize it. We end up mislabeling it and, worse – mishandling it. Little do we know that we had better not label it if we want to achieve the aforementioned self-love.

Loneliness is key

Loving yourself to great orgasms starts with acknowledging your own beauty and worth as a human being. How do you do that? I hear you say. The invaluable self-love begins with a scary effort, a necessary game level to complete before achieving true happiness. And that is loneliness.

Finding your inner peace and pleasure by yourself is the only way through. Complete yourself with treats and travels. Upgrade your own self. Learn a new language, go to a restaurant, travel everywhere and anywhere, enjoy food and create memories for yourself. Achieve yourself.

Think outside of the box

At least once a day, set time aside for yourself to discover something new and enjoy the attraction of surprise with out-of-your-comfort-zone activities. When you build resiliency and willpower, they strengthen your self-love without you even noticing it.

Even if you don’t achieve the goal set that day, the fact that you have tried something new for your own growth should put you in a relaxed mood. Before you engage in any relationship with a partner – focus on engaging in a relationship with your inner self.

Thinking outside of the box applies to body matters, too – what are the areas of your body that you never give love to? Just try new caresses, unexpected games by yourself first, for the fun of it – you never know how much pleasure you could feel.

Love discovering your mental horizons. Believe that you are worth everything you give out to the world. With the sum of all those mind and body treats, you will grow. Expand the mind, apprehend the world with a relaxed vision, and the sexual completion should come not too long after.

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